Hunted for their delicious flesh and rare sugar-blood, the Whiteman Brothers have been on the run from trappers and big-game hunters for years. Recently they have decided to escape to cyberspace. Within this realm of magic and numbers, they have constructed a place where they can show off.
They do this by pretending to make movies, pretending to write stories and pretending to take pictures. They also pretend that people want to see these things. They have directed two feature films together. They also do double-takes when they see hot babes at the beach.
Sean Whiteman
Born in Sonora, CA. 1982. Lived in Mi-Wuk Village for three years. He remembers only that there was a friendly monster that lived in the forest. It left him gifts.
Moved with his family to Monmouth, OR. He spent his childhood there. All of it. Didn't have any childhood left once he went off to college. Had to borrow childhood from this point on. Now deep in debt.
Went to school for two and a half years at the University of Southern California in Los Angeles. Fought nary a grizzly bear during this time. Studied Cinema and Television. Made some short films. Wrote some scripts. He had some good laughs during this time. Then he decided to stop having good laughs in LA and transfer schools.
Fall of 2004 Sean (with brother Christof in tow) moved across the country to attend Ithaca College in upstate NY. Graduated in May of 2006 with a degree in Cinema and Photography. Many grizzly bears were fought here. This pleased him.
August of 2006. Sean moved to Austin, TX. Reasons unknown. Grizzly bear status also unknown.
Christof Whiteman
"First, I remember warmth. Then, I remember pain," says Christopher Ryan Whiteman, recalling his birth on July 6, 1986 in Dallas, OR. In middle school, he would aquire the nickname "Christof" which he would go by for the rest of his days.
After 18 years of air guitar and the cheap thrills of emotional masochism, Christof would jump a plane, along with his brother Sean, to the corrupt coast of the east, screaming, "So long, dweeboids!" out the rolled down window of the aircraft. Unfortunately, two of the engines flamed out and the plane crashed in mansion in Vermont. Christof would never be seen alive again.
Christof is currently in his Junior year at IC, studying Creative Writing.
Jesse Whiteman
Born in Sonora, CA. 1980. Destroyed an army of giant killer robots before his eighth birthday. On his ninth birthday he celebrated the one year anniversary of that time he destroyed an army of giant killer robots.He now lives in Salem, OR. Has his fingers in the cookie-jar with...
Joey Slotnick
Actor Joey Slotnick, who you may recognize from such gems as the hiliarious television series "The Single Guy" and the masterpiece motion picture, Since You've Been Gone. Also appears in numerous movies and television shows.
Isn't actually a Whiteman Brother. Admirable, regardless.
Films
Tinseltown. First film shot together. Short which followed a teenage film director as he puts his epic together. 2003.
(Suzanne). First feature. Followed a college student as he returns to his hometown and does the whole angst thing. Summer of 2004.
Rupert, Renaldo and Mr. Noodle (But Not in that Order). Written and directed by Christof. Short film that breaks it in two. Then it sees if it can be put back together. Kind of. Winter 2005.
Virgins. Short film shot together. Follows two brothers in a garage. Inspiration for their next feature. Winter 2005.
Shades. Short film written and directed by Christof. Sunglasses and mustache. Duality of life. Spring 2006.
The Cupcake. Short film written and directed by Sean. Four people dissolve in front of a cupcake. Spring 2006.
The Whiteman Brothers. Second feature film. Both brothers wish it was about a dragon and a heroic knight. It's really a carnival of behaviors disguised as a comedy. Summer of 2006.